Forget the books. In your case they haven't inspired you to look within. You have forgotten to let go which the books in their own way have been telling you.
The answer turns out to be simple. Let go of the you that is trying so hard. Your salvation is right here today in this moment as you are reading these words. If not now when.
Forget about the sufferings of others. What they need from you is not an affirmation of their suffering, but an example of your liberation. In this case misery does not want company.
Be an example by working on your thinking to make it cheerful. Actively promote the good within yourself. Make it up as you go along. Try this for one day. Try promoting your happiness within by telling yourself about every good thing you can think of. One way is to give. Give love within to those you love and those you have a problem loving. Give love to yourself. Find new ways to promote your own happiness through sharing and giving and receiving. Be attentive to what you receive in response to this continuing attitude you are making. This is your salvation. It can only come from within.
This is a huge responsibility but afterwhile it really is a childs game of amusement. Why are children so carefree and happy? They let go all the time to receive their good. The good is always there. Get out of your own way. Listen for your good. This isn't a silly exercise but the path to salvation which continues every day. Once your certainty is established in this, then and only then can you help those who are suffering. Until then, if you have not mastered your self control by resisting negativity, those who are suffering are the worse off for any attention you may give them. Clean your own house first and keep it clean.
Your complaints about not making it are part of the problem. Stop these.
YOU MADE YOUR DOUBTS. You made your doubts by holding on to them in your mind. You made your doubts by telling others about them and listening to others tell you their doubts. I assume you did not know any better. Now you've been told. There can no longer be any more excuses.
STOP MAKING YOUR DOUBTS. Dismiss them. Dissipate them. Refuse to accept them. Free will remember. Free will to choose what to think about. It is this choice which is your salvation. Make your certainty the same way. Produce it from within. Choose good thoughts Hold on to certainty. Write down good thoughts. Count your blessings, hug your wife, make your own happiness within moment by moment along your path of realization. Yes you have a calling. It is to be yourself and to be happy as your Creator keeps sending you happiness each moment. Listen and practice the exercise above until you are able to make it through one twenty four hour period of happiness, including your sleep and into the next morning. Then you know it's working and can continue this exercise indefinitely for the rest of your life.
Lighten up. Have fun. You are always a child. Act your age. Be small. Open with awe to your creator who has been waiting all this time for you to really listen. Look up with wonder.